boomerlaughs

Among the most humiliating moments of my youth was when Janey’s evil twin showed up at work.

Janey was both a co-worker and a friend in the food brokerage community.  At work we were always supposed to be professional, well dressed, and conservative.  I usually had trouble with that last one.

Janey was FAR more conservative.  She held her nose up at the slightest dip in sophistication and often poo-pooed me for my more flamboyant (and usually flirtatious) ways.  We had known each other for several years.  She was an awesome cook, she was no dilettante when it came to intellectual sparring, and she looked and behaved as if she had just stepped out of a Henry James novel.  Underneath it all, however, she had an evil twin full of puns and punishments, practical jokes, and bar room humor.  The evil twin Janey could have been Oscar Wilde in drag.  When ever she got caught in a misdeed or  misstep she even blamed it on the evil twin. 

Somehow, I was all too often the focus for the evil twin.  Probably because I was an easy mark.

One fine summer day our office was in the midst of being remodeled.  They were working on the area where Janey and I had cubicles at the time and had pushed our desks, etc. almost directly in front of the main double doors to prepare for the installation of the new flooring.  Janey’s desk was against the back wall of the foyer.  She sat directly facing the main doors.  I was placed in the foyer too, however, I was at a right angle to Janey.  I saw her on my left and if I turned far enough to the right, I could see the parking lot as I was almost in the path of the main door. 

The day the evil twin struck, Janey and I were alone in the office just after lunch.  The day was glorious so we opened the main doors wide to let the sun and breeze douse us with their summer splendors.  

Obviously, Janey was looking for something to amuse us other than our tedious work of filling out forms.  She found it.  While appearing to be deep in her paperwork she let out a snort that sounded exactly like a pig.  I giggled.  AND, of course, snorted back.

She snorted again a few seconds later, a little more quietly never looking up from her papers.  I was watching her intensely trying not to giggle.  I snorted again, twice.  In a second or two she snorted three times, even more quietly.  I was hooked, unfortunately.  I waited another second and (partially standing) lifted my head back, nose in the air and went  ”snort, snort, snort-snort-snort-snort” (as loudly as I could)!

Janey jumped up with a look of horror on her face and said, “Mame! What on EARTH are you doing”.  Her face crinkled up in a way that obviously said, “I can NOT believe you just did that”!

I looked at her with a mountain of perplexity……until…..I heard a “huh-hum” to my right.

I turned, and at the door stood not just some guy, but the President of a company that was our largest and most prestigious account.  I was mortified.  I could NOT speak.

They don’t make the color red that my face turned, except for circus tents and neon signs.  I wanted to die.  I had been begging for that account for two years. 

Janey politely and decorously led the gentlemen into the recesses of the office and got him settled until his account manager showed up.  All the while she was  apologizing for MY behavior.

The evil twin had seen him pull up in the parking lot and set me up to make a fool of myself.  The evil twin led me down the path to humiliation quickly and perfectly, and I was on that path not walking, but running to the destination.  And do you think for a minute that ANYONE believed MY story about how little miss angelic Janey was the one at fault?  NO.  And I didn’t get that account for another two years.

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